And His Shoes Were Number Nines

There's an old expression about eccentric people having "a turd in every pocket".  That applies double to eccentric politicians, as Ron Paul has spared no effort to illustrate over the course of the past year.  However, for eccentric candidates who manage by sheer dumb luck to blunder into presidential front-runner status, it is, well, "incumbent" upon them to keep said turds from emerging from between their oral meat curtains.

Mike Huckabee has not responded well to that incumbency.

Last week we chronicled Huck's whining about Mitt Romney's inevitable "negative" (i.e. contrasting Romney's gubernatorial record to Huckabee's) ad run in Iowa as a flailing attempt to blunt the Arkansas vickar's Iowa momentum.  We also did our modest part to air out his galloping ignorance about Pakistan (currently a global flashpoint in the Fourth World War), his citation of former Ambassador to the UN John Bolton as a foreign policy advisor without ever having contacted him about the role, and his, shall we say, "inconsistent" acceptance of over fifty grand in speaking fees from various and sundry organizations that have social policy goals more than a little at odds with Huck's ostensible social conservatism.

It's now the new year, and we're over here, and his cranial poop chute is still stuck on "turbo-eject":

Mike Huckabee called Mitt Romney a dishonest politician who couldn't be trusted with the presidency, turning up the heat Sunday in a close-and-getting-closer Republican race in Iowa. ...

Huckabee said he may have been hurt by Romney ads and mailings criticizing his record as governor of Arkansas. Lacking Romney's resources, Huckabee used an appearance on the NBC show to accuse Romney of distorting his own public record.

"If you aren't being honest in obtaining the job, can we trust you if you get the job?" Huckabee asked.

Hmmm; I thought Huckles didn't like "negative campaigning"; now, within a matter of forty-eight hours, he's calling Romney a liar on national television?  Who says hillbillies aren't quick "larners"?

The ex-Massachusetts governor is a convenient scapegoat for what may be the Huckster's last-minute difficulties, and the latter has shown how green he is in national politics by taking Mitt's bait so eagerly.  It suggests to me that the Rev'rund never truly anticipated making it to the top of the GOP race and simply was not prepared for the scrutiny, and rough & tumble, that comes with it.  Now, suddenly, Hucksaplenty is the hunted rather than the hunter, and all that folksy good ol' boy charm isn't enough anymore.  His record as Bill Clinton's successor is under the microscope and fair game - a baptism of fire that Romney, of course, underwent months ago, but which Huck is undergoing only now, and at the worst possible time.

The proper thing for Huck to have done, of course, is to ignore Romney's ad and stay on-message.  Not so much "be above the fray" as simply remain on the offensive and not allow his pursuer to damage his momentum by acknowledging his salvo.  Instead, Huckleberry's reaction to Mitt's frantic attempt to reel him in has become the focus of the campaign in Iowa even more than the substance of the ad itself.

And Hucker just can't help making it even worse:

Mike Huckabee said Monday he wouldn't run a TV ad he'd prepared blistering Republican rival Mitt Romney as dishonest. Then he showed it to a room packed with reporters and cameramen. [emphasis added]

Eh?

Huckabee, who has sharply intensified his criticism of the former Massachusetts governor in recent days, tried to reclaim the high road in the midst of a news conference three days before Iowa's presidential caucuses. He told reporters the event had been called to announce the hard-hitting new ad but he had changed his mind about running it on TV....

The expectation, fueled by Huckabee himself and his aides, was that he would run ads against Romney in the final days of the campaign. He and his aides hinted a direct response to Romney might be forthcoming, filmed such an ad and called an elaborately staged news conference to announce it.

Then he reversed course.

There was a risk that Huckabee himself would be hurt if he went negative in a TV ad, particularly after spending months branding himself as the upbeat candidate who shunned such politics. Monday's events resulted in him denouncing negativism, though the negative ad got wide coverage. [emphasis added]

Does this remind anybody else of a Ted Kennedy testimonial for Schick Shadle Hospital?  "I detest negative campaigning, and I'm going to prove it by showing you, the media, the smear ad I was going to run against Plasticman on Iowa television but have decided not to, because I know YOU guys can keep a Republican's secret, right?"  And Huck calls Romney a hypocrite?

I think taking the speaking fees from a biotech giant that wants to research human embryonic stem cells, a nonprofit working to expand access to the morning after pill, and a group pushing to study whether tightening gun control laws will reduce violence more than establishes Huck's hypocrisy.  This "Hey, y'all, look at the anti-Romney hit ad I ain't runnin'" is sheer incoherence drowning in irresolution.  Can you imagine this man in the Oval Office during a national security crisis?  Is that really the place Republican voters want to install such high octane flip-floppery?

Sure, Romney is a Johnny-come-lately panderer to principled conservatism; that's why I can't understand why my guy isn't doing any better than he is.  But at least the Mittster is honest about his Damascus Road conversion.  He's a right-wing monolith compared to Huckadoodle, whose current platform is significantly to the left of Romney's, however authentic the latter's may be.

Huckabee is essentially saying, "Vote for me, I'm God's RINO!"

If you see that on a bumper sticker, don't follow that car.

Wait, do they even HAVE cliffs in Iowa....?

UPDATE: This does not inspire greater confidence in my part in the intelligence of Iowa Republican voters.