Worthy Of The Sith?

To me it matters not a whit who John Sith McCain selects for his vice presidential running mate on the 2008 RINO ticket.  People don't vote for the person riding shotgun, they vote for the person holding the reins, and there is no way on God's little green Earth that I'm ever going to vote for the bane of the GOP and the conservative movement.

But I have to admit, I am not entirely disinterested in the choice he makes.  I am intrigued despite myself.  Why?  Because, given the gift of co-belligerency with La Clinton Nostra that the circumstances of an Obama nomination are shaping up to give him, I am fascinated to determine if Lord Queeg can live up to the diabolical caricature I've given him for lo these many years.  His veep choice will be the most proximate indicator of whether he is actually as sinisterly cunning as his namesake, or just a bitter old fool who has accomplished what he wanted by denying the GOP a legitimate presidential candidate in 2008.

If Maverick were the former but wanted to play it safe, he'd go with either of the two bona fide conservatives in the vanquished GOP field, Mitt Romney or Fred Thompson.  Romney because if the ticket were victorious, he would become instant heir apparent for a (probable) 2012 run, and Fred because if he is as "lazy" and "unmotivated" as his detractors said he is, he would make a born vice president.

If Maverick wanted to be both diabolical AND bold, he would go with Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, whose advantages are legion: she's conservative, Christian, a budget-cutting fiscal hawk known for opposition to pork-barrel projects, favors drilling in ANWR, has executive experience, certainly wouldn't overshadow him, and has a vagina.  If the Republican "brand" is as buried as conventional wisdom says it is, what better new face to raise to the top of the party?

My ingrained cynicism says McCain'll pick former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (aka Darth Scudder), the 'Pubbie with the John Edwards economic policy, Jimmy Carter foreign policy, and compartmentalized constituency of identity politics-addled evangelical sheep.  Why?  Because with the lack of enthusiasm from the base he can dead certain count on (and which this selection would mordantly reinforce), Maverick needs those sheep.

I can't see a "fusion" ticket with his perpetual fence-sitting buddy, poor ol' Joe Lieberman.  It might draw a handful of "independents" and "moderates," but it would blow off the GOP's conservative grassroots footsoldiers (who have now seen the downside of sacrificing principle on the alter of "base expansion" and "outreach") in very similar fashion without even the solace of locking in one of its most reliable wings.

Finally, if Lieberman were to enjoy a glimmer of hope, Queeg's another apprentices (Chuck Hagel, Lindsey Grahamnesty, et al) would have none.  One "maverick" on the ticket is one too many; but two of them?  Sailor would have the cheek to pull it, but even I can't believe he wants to lose THAT desperately.

When we go subterranean, we arrive at this inconceivability - which Newsmax Insider says is actually on the senator's "short list":

With speculation swirling about presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain’s choice for running mate, a surprising name has popped into the discussion — New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

I'll give that sentence a minute or two to sink in, and your hearts a few minutes more to rise back up from the vicinity of your gonads while your breakfast is settling back down your esophagus.

When McCain had breakfast with Bloomberg recently in Manhattan, a McCain spokesman told the New York Post that “discussing a vice-presidential slot for Bloomberg was not on the agenda.”

But a source close to the mayor told John Heilemann of New York magazine that the topic was definitely part of the conversation.

“One of the participants, in fact, came away from the conversation under the distinct impression that Bloomberg is on McCain’s short list,” Heilemann wrote.

So which is it?  Has McCain's brain turned into a Slurpee, or is Bloomberg's office putting on a full-court PR press for their guy?

I have to think it's the latter.  Just get a load of their Bloomberg selling points:

For one thing, billionaire Bloomberg’s entrepreneurial background could serve to counter McCain’s admitted shortcomings regarding economics.

Republicans are “losing on the economy by ten to fifteen points,” said Doug Schoen, Bloomberg’s pollster during his mayoral campaigns. “With Mike on the ticket, that gap would quickly, dramatically close.”

First, McCain has a six-point edge over Barack Hussein Obama on the economy.  I'm not quite sure what that means, either, other than that the "brand" problem isn't necessarily as dire as Schoen is making it out to be.

Second, if all it takes to shore up "admitted shortcomings regarding economics" is picking a rich guy, Sailor can swallow a little pride, practice speaking through gritted teeth, and dub Romney, who actually believes, unlike Bloomberg, in the "brand" of economic policies that actually grow the economy and produce wealth.

As a Jew, Bloomberg could strengthen McCain in several critical swing states with sizeable Jewish populations, including Florida, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania.

See above, only equivalently substitute Lieberman for Romney.

Bloomberg would enhance McCain’s image as a moderate, and help distance him from the policies of an unpopular president as Democrats seek to portray the Senator as a George Bush clone, Schoen maintains.

“The Republican brand is dead, at least for this election,” Schoen said. “McCain needs to go outside the box, and that’s where Mike lives.”

Mr. Schoen, if you want to kill the Republican brand dead, go ahead and "enhance McCain's image as a moderate".  That image is precisely why his candidacy is dead in the starting gate.  You people seem to be forgetting something very fundamental: John Sith McCain is the REPUBLICAN nominee.  The Republican Party is the party of the RIGHT, not the "center".  And the principle reason why the Republican "brand" is on an iron lung is precisely because the GOP used the undivided power it was given by the voters in 2004 to govern FROM THE CENTER.  Your imagined "cure" is another heapin' helping of the disease that is already necrotizing the Party at an alarming rate, and of which Darth Queeg's very usurpancy is the most glaring symptom.

If 2008 were a more Pachyderm-friendly environment, I would feel comfortable letting my cynicism run wild & free.  But it is not.  And with all the treacherous baggage the Sith master brings to the top of the ticket with him, he really cannot afford to indulge his "maverickness" if he truly wants to maximize his chances of pulling off what would be one of the biggest upsets in American political history.

On the other hand, I never thought the Dems would bite the hand that fed them and that can still put severed donkey parts in their beds whenever they choose, either.

Whatever else disenfranchisement may be, it's certainly not proving to be dull.