Joe Knows

My apologies.  As usual, I'm light-years behind on this due to my own hectic schedule, my body's insistence on sustenance, sleep, and one other thing starting with the letter "s," and Senator Rogaine's prolificivity at laying verbal turds.  I'll try not to be any windier than usual, but I don't guarantee success.

***Let's go back to Saturday.  Biden is campaigning in Virginia, and the voice in his head told him to swerve his pitch over to denying that his running mate is plotting to confiscate everybody's guns.  I think I know where he was trying to go with this, but it wouldn't be Joe Biden if his rhetorical Tom-Tom didn't get a might confused:

In an out-of-nowhere attempt to re-assure a southwestern Virginia labor crowd about gun owners’ rights, Biden — who regularly scores “F” ratings from the National Rifle Association — warned Obama that if “he tries to fool with my Beretta, he’s got a problem.”

“I guarantee you Barack Obama ain’t taking my shotguns, so don’t buy that malarkey,” Biden said Saturday at the United Mine Workers of America’s annual fish fry in Castlewood, Virginia. “Don’t buy that malarkey. They’re going to start peddling that to you.”

Biden told the crowd that he himself is a gun owner. “I got two,” Biden said, “if he tries to fool with my Beretta, he’s got a problem. I like that little over and under, you know? I’m not bad with it. So give me a break. Give me a break.

What he probably meant to say was that Barack Obama is not the gun-grabber that the "right wing smear machine" is getting ready to smear him as (until he gets the votes, that is).  Unfortunately he cast it in such a way as to sound like he thought B.O. may be plotting to do just that, and then that he was implicitly threatening to pop The One with his Beretta if he sent the feds to seize it.  The better to stroke his treasured "tough guy" self-image.  That he managed to "insert" a quasi-homoerotic double entendre into the soliloquoy as well appears to have flown right past...well, pretty much everybody, come to think of it.

***Guess who was the most pork-happy member of the U.S. Senate in 2007 (Hint: NOT Barack Hussein Obama):

Kinda hard to do worse ZERO, wouldn't you say?  No wonder Biden hates tax cuts so much.

How pathetic is his one-man culture of corruption?  Even MSNBC panned it:

Where was Keith Olbermann when this segment aired?  Locked in a broom closet?  Undergoing shock treatments?  Fell asleep on the pot and Pat Buchanan glued his ass to the seat?

***I'll bet you didn't know that Joe Biden is a critic of political advertisements - including those of his own campaign (at the 4:05 mark per AP):

So Senator "Chia Pet" thought the "John McCain is a computer ignoramus" ad was "terrible," eh?  Well, so did the rest of us.  Evidently realizing on the fly what he'd just done - undercutting (again) his would-be boss - he tries to claim that Rogaine Messiah "didn't do it," and then that Barry didn't approve of that message, even though he says he does in the ad itself, and then that if he'd been in charge, they never would have.  Which, given False Messiah's penchant for bungling, may not be completely outside the realm of plausibility.  But Biden still made himself and his running mate sound like twin idiots.

If it's any consolation to Obamanation, at least the man who'd be even more of a born-vice president than Al Gore was managed to coherently get in a denial that Lucifer supported sex-ed for kindergarteners.  Which, of course, he did.

That turned out to be the plank off of which Light-Bringer made poor ol' Joe walk, plunging him (back) into the vile, putrid sea that spawned the Chicago Cherubim:

I was asked about an ad I’d never seen, reacting merely to press reports. As I said right then, I knew there was nothing intentionally personal in the criticism of Senator McCain’s views which look backwards not forwards and are out of touch with the new economic challenges we face today. Having now reviewed the ad, it is even more clear to me that given the disgraceful tenor of Senator McCain’s ads and their persistent falsehoods, his campaign is in no position to criticize, especially when they continue to distort Barack’s votes on an issue as personal as keeping kids safe from sexual predators.

Got that?  Because Lord Queeg dares to criticize Barack Obama, ridiculing the injuries Sailor suffered as a POW in Vietnam is fair game.  The very thing that Biden (candidly before his brain could catch up with his mouth) called "terrible" just the day before.

It's like somewhere inside that thirty-five years of political spam is a conscience, drowning in the vat of Joe Biden's bewildered ambition, screaming to be released before it goes down for the third time, wondering what in the blue hell its owner has gotten it, and himself, into.

***Perhaps such internal moral conflicts would create enough distractions to explain his penchant for serial "exaggeration" - this week, at least:

“Ladies and gentlemen, where are we now? Where are we now?” Senator Joe Biden, D-DE, said to the National Guard Association today, talking about the war in Afghanistan.

“If you want to know where Al Qaeda lives, you want to know where Bin Laden is, come back to Afghanistan with me,” Biden said. “Come back to the area where my helicopter was forced down, with a three-star general and three senators at 10,500 feet in the middle of those mountains. I can tell you where they are.”

Biden said that Senator John McCain, R-AZ, “says he’ll follow them to the gates of hell. You don’t have to go to hell. Just go to Pakistan. Just go to that area. That superhighway of terror that exists between Afghanistan and Pakistan.”

Sounds like quite an adventure, doesn't it?  Like that chopper was zigging and zagging and pitching and yawing to dodge withering al Qaeda/Taliban SAM and anti-aircraft fire.

Of course, that's not QUITE the way it happened.  How ironic that the physician that administers the antidote of truth to Senator Hairplug's "superhighway of terror" fantasism is....John Kerry:

“The weather closed in on us,” Kerry told the AP at the time in a phone interview from Turkey. “It went pretty blind, pretty fast and we were around some pretty dangerous ridges. So the pilot exercised his judgment that we were better off putting down there, and we all agreed…We sat up there and traded stories.”

Kerry joked, “We were going to send Biden out to fight the Taliban with snowballs, but we didn’t have to do it…Other than getting a little cold, it was fine.”

You don't suppose Lurch was trying to give Rogaine additional "exaggeration" ideas, do you?

***Could be a submerged conscience; could be that nagging brain-mouth disconnection; or maybe it's just creeping senility:

You know what stood out most to me in this clip?  How Biden reaches out and hangs both hands on this woman's shoulders.  Wouldn't that constitute unwanted touching?  Wouldn't that be the first thing anybody would have noticed if the hanger had been Bill Clinton?  Heck, NBC wasn't long in flagging President Bush's phantom ass-slap of Misty May-Treanor in Beijing last month.

Yes, there was a lot of noise and hustle and bustle, but I get the impression that Greasy Joe wasn't giving any thought to what this young Ohio lady was asking him - or perhaps he heard her say "coal" and didn't hear the modifier "clean" that proceeded it - and launched into another boasting jag about his inventing environmentalism while Al Gore was still sucking on his mommy's teat at Woodstock.  At the end of it it sounds like he's getting back around to Team Messiah's "official" stance in favor of clean coal that he started out saying it opposed.  Probably didn't even remember his first sentence - though I bet a goodly chunk of Pennsylvania certainly will.

Personally, I think that gal was probably wishing for nose filters, or more likely a security guard.

***And, closing out this episode of Joe Knows, how about another time warp?

Y'know, I remember my mother telling me about FDR's televised national "fireside chats".  The campfires weren't real, of course, just holographic.  But Roosevelt would begin and end each one with a vigorous dancercise regimen designed to keep Americans fit while they pounded the pavement looking for jobs, and rooted through dumpsters to find food for their children and new integrated circuits for the v-chips in their 52" plasma screens.  And FDR being president three years before he was elected?  Naw, it just SEEMED like he was in office for that long.  Just as I'm sure that it won't be long before Slow Joe and his boss are lamenting the "last twenty years" of Bush-Cheney.

No crowd excuses for this one.  Maybe he was trying to show off that gigantic IQ for Katie?