Bikers, Buddha & Barney

I know Democrats from one end of occupied America to the other are frantically throwing their feces at Republicans like baboons as fast as they can shit it, but I gotta level with you, folks, some of this crap has me scratching my head:

To connect West to the motorcycle gang, Democrats have pointed out that he's a contributor to Wheels On The Road, a publication that covers [among many other things] the Outlaws' Florida clubs.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm no connaisseur of motorcycle anything.  I don't even own a scooter.  But isn't Sons Of Anarchy a pretty popular show?  And, conversely, aren't black motorcycle "clubs" kinda rare, at least in American popular culture?  Or is this some local nuance that nobody outside Florida-22 would be expected to glean from afar?

And what on Earth does it have to do with representing that district in Congress?  Is Ron Klein trying to put himself over as some sort of pompous, effete Wayne Unser?

I don't know if the following means Jack Conway, the Dems' flailing Kentucky senatorial hopelesser, is better or worse than Klein, but trafficking in obscure, arcane, decades-old oppo-research irrelevancies isn't anything new for him.  His (I swear, in the best Dave Berry tradition, that I'm not making this up) "Aqua Buddha" obsession vis-a-vie GOP frontrunner Rand Paul's ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL TO THE FATE OF AMERICA's FUTURE college years, started over two months ago:

The woman said that much of the subsequent coverage of her allegations missed a key nuance: As a participant in a college ritual, where lines between acquiescence and victimization are often blurry, she was largely playing along with the notion that she was being forced to follow Paul’s orders.

“I went along because they were my friends,” she said. “There was an implicit degree of cooperation in the whole thing. I felt like I was being hazed.”…

She reiterated that they took her to a room filled with pot smoke and told her to partake, but she emphasized that she hadn’t been forced. “He did not drug me,” she said. “He did not force me physically in any way.”

She said they then “took me out to this creek and made me worship Aqua Buddha.” And she added that the whole thing was so “weird” that afterwards she ended relations with Paul and his friends.

Come on, folks, Aqua Buddha?  Does it really require pot smoke to recognize that this was not a serious undertaking?  That it was....just a college spoof?  May I remind one and all of the hijinx of Delta Tau Chi, and the fact that John Blutarsky - John Blutarksy - ended up in....the United States Senate?

Evidently, Team Conway is tuning out that friendly reminder almost as stridently as the voters of Kentucky tuned out this lame "gotcha," as despite it not moving the needle away from Rand Paul one jot or tittle, they've put it into a throughly convoluted attack ad that purports to paint him as a....skinflinted Aqua Buddhist high priest, I guess:

Frankly, if I were Dr. Paul, I'd be more embarrassed about that Carrottop 'do than the "Aqua Buddha" stuff.  Or, heck, who knows, maybe Conway will luck out and it'll emerge that Paul and his buddies were making other freshman coeds freebase Old Spice or something.

About the only thing you can say about either of the above gambits is that, as planetismally flaccid as they are, they are still kinda-sorta-technically strategies.  If this is a strategy, I'm baffled at what it's supposed to accomplish:

You got me, gentles; was Mrs. Frank trying to stand by his man?  Attempting to show that chivalry doesn't require a vagina?  Bitterly clinging to his, um, "meal" ticket?  Luring Bielat into a queer menage a toi complete with hidden cameras?

I guess desperation takes many forms, but is Lollipop really desperate, or just paranoid?  And towards which answer does the fact that he's granted his killer robot-building GOP challenger five, count 'em, FIVE debates point?